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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Me: I don’t believe in horoscopes, I’m just kinda narcissistic and love reading about myself
Also me: that makes me such a Gemini, lol
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 29, 2018
everyday at 3pm i have what i call my “girl boss power hour” where i chug a cold brew, listen to “heaven is a place on earth” by belinda carlisle, and proceed to get absolutely nothing done for the rest of the afternoon!
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) August 28, 2018
I have a cold but too much to do so I can’t be sick right now and googling “what does Beyoncé do when she’s sick” has not yielded fruitful results.
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) August 30, 2018
Showers? No way, it’s 2018 we’re getting cleansed by the moon
— slaughthie (@slaughthie) August 30, 2018
To All The Boys In Your Inbox Two Weeks Before Your Wedding
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) August 29, 2018
Honestly flattered that Netflix recommends Coco to me like i’m an emotionally stable human who could watch it “for fun” and “without sobbing”
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 27, 2018
if ur a man i follow on social media and u have a cool girlfriend i Will find her and i will follow her and i will like her a lot more than u. know this
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) August 29, 2018
hi my name is Tracy and my favorite thing in the world is when you put a pair of sunglasses on a baby or a dog and they never try to take them off and they just serve all day
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 30, 2018
fleetwood mac: I know I could have loved you but you would not let me
10 year old me: I’LL FOLLOW YOU DOWN UNTIL THE SOUND OF MY VOICE WILL HAUNT YOU pic.twitter.com/WvDesurADK
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 27, 2018
WOW if you sing along to Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette in your car on repeat you end up at a Bath & Body Works
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 27, 2018
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for the person that finds them tomorrow
— not karley ? (@Itskarleytime) August 30, 2018
It’s okay to pound a bagel in the car in the morning before you visit your gluten free friend. You are both queens of different kingdoms.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) August 28, 2018
The only thing you shouldn’t be allowed to wear to play tennis is a giant tennis ball costume
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 25, 2018
My Roomba is going in the acknowledgements of my next book
— lyz lenz (@lyzl) August 29, 2018
No thank you, I will not be coming to your party. I have already been to a party.
— Tinker Elle (@elle91) August 31, 2018
Here to announce that I too am a proud member of the thirsty old bitches for Peter Kavinsky club.
— Ramou Sarr (@Ramou) August 25, 2018
Just re-watched the Devil Wears Prada and forgot it was a movie about a young woman whose ambitions are quashed by a wack boyfriend
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) August 28, 2018
Oh, you don’t reuse plastic bags from the store as trash bags in your bathroom? Sorry, I didn’t realize I was dealing with royalty here.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 30, 2018
Salad is for when you want to eat healthy, but you’re also mad at yourself.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 28, 2018
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