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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
You know what else is a liar? Ramen noodles. One brick is two servings?
I think the fuck not.
— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) April 30, 2018
Media: People love Trump because he’s not afraid to tell it like it is!
Lady comedian: [tells it like it is]
Media: OMG SET HER ON FIRE
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) April 29, 2018
Instead of breaking the fourth wall with the audience, I prefer putting up a fifth wall
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 4, 2018
biting into BOTH nature valley granola bars at once while i make eye contact with my coworkers
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) April 30, 2018
Springtime! Tulips! And iced coffee! And realising as you walk out the door that yikes, this dress is much shorter than you remember it being!
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) May 3, 2018
it happened to me: i accidentally went live on instagram for 5 seconds and now my hands wont stop sweating
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) May 3, 2018
Walked out into my backyard & overheard the neighbors arguing in their hot tub. So I was like, “Can you guys start over so I can see whose side I’m on?”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 30, 2018
I tried to say golden retriever into voice command and came out with “Goldmine Trevor” if anyone named Trevor needs a glam rock name
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 30, 2018
dough: a bread, an uncooked bread
ray: of sun that cooks the bread
me: a gal who eats the bread
fa: ther also eats the bread
so: da bread’s a kind of bread
la: vash is another bread
tea: a drink. anyway, bread!
that will bring us back to dough— rachel axler (@rachelaxler) May 1, 2018
does adulting ever stop feeling like cosplay
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) May 2, 2018
I wonder if Claire Dane’s husband refers to her as “my so-called wife”
— Hannah Gansen (@HannahGansen) April 29, 2018
I’m going going
back back
to bed now bed now— Molly Lambert (@mollylambert) May 2, 2018
There’s a girl in my apartment building with a beautiful voice but that’s overshadowed by the fact that the only song she ever sings is Clumsy by Fergie every night from 10:30 to 11:30
— Shakira (@jodecicry) May 3, 2018
DO? NOT ? CALL ? IT ? A ? MAN ? CAVE ? UNLESS ? IT ? IS ? AN ? UNDERGROUND ? CHAMBER ? ETCHED ? INTO ? THE ? BODY ? OF ? A ? MAN ? AND ? FILLED ? WITH ? BATS
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 4, 2018
I’m pretending to look busy on my phone to avoid conversation with a man
— Ziwe (@ziwe) April 28, 2018
I’m already stressed out about summer being over happy May 1st
— Jamie Feldman (@RealGirlProject) May 1, 2018
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