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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Men having “important” business calls in airport lounges as loud as they can to let everyone know they are important and very important: a memoir.
— roxane gay (@rgay) March 27, 2018
Me: *reads all the self-help books*
Also Me: *never helps myself*— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 27, 2018
If a woman lends you a hair tie, by law you are officially sisters forever and ever amen
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) March 27, 2018
“Did I put deodorant on?”
– Me six times a day
— Sardonic Tart ?? (@SardonicTart) March 29, 2018
One memorable way to leave a party is to say “oh i’m sorry i thought this was an intervention”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 29, 2018
just overheard a teen say that I’m pulling off my pixie cut and I didn’t realize I was looking for teen validation but I 100% am
— Sammy Nickalls ?♀️ (@sammynickalls) March 29, 2018
Sometimes I feel like the only liberal woman in her 30s who hasn’t taken a solo trip to Iceland.
— Ashley Nicole Black Panther (@ashleyn1cole) March 30, 2018
Give me Vanderpump Rules or give me death, she screamed to no one in particular
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) March 28, 2018
Caught my friend’s 8 year-old singing, “I love you chocolate,” to her candy before she ate it, and now she is my new life coach.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 27, 2018
Look. Whatever they tell you, all museum people got into this field cos they want to touch the art. It’s not about “preserving” or “inspiring people”. We’d lick it if we could.
— Alice Procter (@aaprocter) March 28, 2018
i am on american idol. i say nothing. lionel richie and luke bryan say yes aloud. katy asks what’s going on. remaining silent, lionel and luke slowly push her chair out in front of the judges. i pull up my own chair and sit in her place. i send katy home. now, i am the lady judge
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) March 28, 2018
Probably the weirdest thing about high school was how much trouble we’d get in for being late when 99% of adulthood is sending “running behind, be there soon!” texts and emails.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) March 29, 2018
Ladies and gentlemen, we are the Beyoncé Biters. Can we get a one word suggestion to start our show?
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) March 27, 2018
I don’t care who you are. When the grocery store plays ABBA, you become a Dancing Queen.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 29, 2018
i’m so behind on reading and responding to email i’m ready to throw the whole inbox away.
— king crissle (@crissles) March 29, 2018
My sister asked me who Tom Hardy was and now I’m wondering if we’re even related.
— HuMMingBird (@Birdhumms) March 29, 2018
The girl Flo Rida sings about in Low was wearing apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, baggy sweatpants, AND reeboks with the straps all at the same time so we must conclude that she was, in fact, a centaur. In this essay I will
— Splenda Pappy (@caroline_oreo) March 26, 2018
There should be a special belt that holds your hot water bottle to your tummy so u can walk around freely just thinking aloud here investors
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) March 27, 2018
daydreaming about last night’s leftover pizza, hbu
— Sami Main (@samimain) March 29, 2018
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