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The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
How does Ariel know what “reprimand” means but not “feet”
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 10, 2018
Mother: can you please fix my computer
Me: *leans back in chair* well… well … well … if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
— Cheish (@TheCheish) June 13, 2018
Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 12, 2018
Colin Jost is dating Scarlett Johansson and Pete Davidson is dating Ariana Grande and every female comedian is like, “I wonder if I can get this pile of sweatshirts to commit to me.”
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) June 9, 2018
Two older businessmen behind me are explaining Snapchat to each other. That app had a nice run.
— roxane gay (@rgay) June 14, 2018
“All bodies are beach bodies,” I mumble, as Cheetohs fall out of my mouth.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 8, 2018
In order to me be more honest with myself and others, I have started typing “ha” or “chuckled slightly” instead of “lmao” or “lol.” So far I have lost several friends and have been blocked by the rest.
— Quinta (@quintabrunson) June 8, 2018
Each time you invite a redhead to an outdoor beach event, please know we have a tense ritual called “What do I pack to survive on a hostile planet?”
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 11, 2018
Shazam but for which of my 3 fun anecdotes I’ve already shared with this person
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 12, 2018
ahhh summer. long warm evenings. sunsets. barbecues on the beach. dressing like a fourteen year old boy to avoid getting catcalled and then still getting catcalled. frisbee in the park.
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) June 15, 2018
girls don’t want boys girls want single-player story-driven RPG’s with in-depth character creators and romance options.
— ???? ????? @ E3 screaming (@kurtzperson) June 11, 2018
*impatiently waits for the nearest diner to open*
— gabrielle (@ginkgogab) June 15, 2018
every time my laptop fans start going mental I lean in and whisper “are you mining bitcoin you little shit”
— Eleanor Robertson (@marrowing) June 12, 2018
How am I? How am I? My pants have FAKE POCKETS! How do you THINK I am?
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 12, 2018
when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. or add the zest to your pasta sauce. or squeeze the juice over fish and roast veges. no limit really to the things you can do with the humble lemon, a shit symbol for life’s hardships
— maddie holden (@winningprotocol) June 15, 2018
being single is all fun and games until you realise it’s a never ending cycle of getting to know someone, they eventually stop texting you, then they watch your Instagram story every day until you die
— senorita ugly (@bex_bambi) June 12, 2018
Belongings are a trap. Who needs more than one t shirt. I should become a minimalist. -me, when I’m moving. And no other time ever.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) June 9, 2018
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