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John Legend is very open about the challenges and joys of raising kids today.
The singer and his wife, Chrissy Teigen, have two children ― daughter Luna and son Miles. Since becoming a father in 2016, he’s shared glimpses into his life as a dad in interviews and on social media.
In honor of his birthday, here are 19 quotes about parenthood from Legend.
On Parental Love
“It’s a different kind of love. It’s very pure. It’s unconditional. But they haven’t earned it yet. They didn’t do anything. They just exist.”
On Raising Kind Children
“A lot of it is about the example you set for your kids ― how you talk to them, how you talk to other people around them, and setting that example of what it means to be kind, polite, grateful, honest and all these things.”
On Being A New Parent
“It just takes over your life when you have a child … I spent a lot of time at home with her for the first three months and with my wife, you know, it just humbles you. I think everyone struggles with being a new parent, everyone’s trying to figure it out and I think it’s a humbling process.”
On Holding His Daughter For The First Time
“It’s beautiful, it’s very emotional, and it brings you and your wife closer together. It’s a very powerful feeling to see the product of your love right there in front of you.”
On Going From One Child To Two
“It’s a thing, you know. In some ways it’s easier because we have perspective and we’re not like, afraid. I wouldn’t say we were afraid the first time, but we definitely didn’t know what we were doing and leaned on our professional help a lot more. I think now we understand our style as parents and understand how to interact with each other and with the kids. The experience really helps you with the second kid.”
On Mom Shaming
“Funny there’s no dad-shaming. When both of us go out to dinner, shame both of us so Chrissy doesn’t have to take it all. We’ll split it.”
On Parenting Fails
“[They happen] all the time! Little accidents like, ‘Oh, I just dropped his head on that.’ Nothing lifetime damaging but you always have these little moments like, ‘I could’ve done better with that,’ or, ‘Ooh, I shouldn’t have let her fall down.’ You start to realize after the first kid that they can recover from most of these things. You can’t flip out every single time. They’re gonna fall. Help them get back up. And pretend it didn’t happen.”
On In Vitro Fertilization
“You want to feel like everything’s working properly and want everything to be perfect, but sometimes it’s not. I wouldn’t say we can’t conceive naturally, but I would say that it’s enough of a challenge where it felt like we needed help … We’re lucky that we’re living in an age where we can conceive in other ways. [IVF] brought us Luna and hopefully it will bring us a few more awesome kids, too.”
On Welcoming His Son Early
“Being pregnant is difficult, I think [Miles’ early arrival] was a little bit relieving because that meant three fewer weeks of checkups and being pregnant for Chrissy. Letting us know that the pregnancy was going to end a few weeks early wasn’t actually the worst thing in the world as long as he was going to be healthy.”
On Inspiring His Kids To Care For Others
“Hopefully as they get older, they see the kinds of causes we get behind and the kinds of things we talk about publicly, and they’ll see us as an example of who they want to be. Hopefully we’ll continue to be good examples for them.”
On Postpartum Depression
“You don’t see it coming. You’re not emotionally prepared for someone that’s going through a dark time as you’re welcoming this new life. When you don’t understand what’s happening, it’s a bit challenging to figure it out and you don’t know if it’s something you’ve done or some other reason why she’s not feeling well. Once you understand what the reasons are then it makes perfect sense and you can adjust accordingly.”
On Preparing His Daughter For A Baby Brother
“I think we did a pretty decent job at preparing her for a new baby by making her feel like she is still valued and important in our lives and giving her a sense of the joy and the responsibility of being a big sister.”
On Changing Tables In Men’s Bathrooms
“It’s a thing you never think about until it’s a thing that you need. You never understand it until you’re actually in the situation. And of course, you just improvise and make it happen. But bottom line is, let’s make it more convenient for dads, and let’s say that it’s not just a woman’s job to do this. Men can share in this role as well, and let’s make sure there are facilities out there that make it possible. My dad was a single dad for the second half of my childhood, and he had four kids. We were past diaper-changing age, but you have to recognize that there are all kinds of parenting relationships and parenting roles out there. We should have bathrooms that acknowledge that.”
On His Daughter’s Favorite Music
“Luna loves ‘Remember Me’ from ‘Coco.’ Right now we listen to that a lot. She also loves the whole Ariana Grande ‘Sweetener’ album, and the whole John Legend ‘Legendary Christmas’ album. We listen to it randomly in April, May, June ― it doesn’t matter … She hasn’t listened to ‘Frozen’ in a while. I think she’s over it. But she went through a phase.”
On His Hopes For His Kids
“A lot of what we do, we think about our kids and the future we want for them. A lot of it is also about character and interpersonal behavior toward each other at home, and we want to model that in the way we talk to each other and in the way we talk to them. We want them to be smart, we want them to be kind, we want them to be good leaders, and we want them to be empathetic. And hopefully we’re able to model that at home with them.”
On Children’s Books
“We read to her a few books before every nap and before she goes to bed, and she’s got a full range she likes. She gets tired of them fast, so we have to switch them up.”
On Social Media
“I think we like to share those little moments of our kids just like most parents like to share theirs too. We are enjoying parenting and we enjoy sharing some of that with our followers. I’m proud of who we are as parents and I’m proud of our kids.”
On Gender Stereotypes For Kids
“I see it even as I’m raising my daughter. The kinds of toys that are most likely given to girls versus the ones that are given to boys. The kinds of careers kids are steered into, even at a young age, that are seen as more feminine or more masculine … We’re being taught very early on from movies and from the playground and all kinds of other things about how we’re supposed to interact with each other and perform our gender. We’re being indoctrinated pretty early on.”
On Double Standards
“I think it’s, as George W. Bush said, ‘the soft bigotry of low expectations.’ So much more is expected of women, and so little is expected of men. Every time a man does even the smallest thing, everyone’s like, ‘Oh, that’s so amazing, he’s such a great dad.’ Meanwhile, women are doing lots more, and it’s assumed that’s what they’re supposed to do. They’re not celebrated for it. I think part of changing behaviors and the ways we interact with each other is changing the way we talk about these things, and I think one way we can do that is not to lower the bar so much for men.”
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