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Breakups with a significant other, expected or not, can be painful and confusing. Calling it quits with a friend is no different.
Experts say the emotional distress experienced during a breakup can actually change your brain chemistry. Megan Bruneau, a therapist in New York, told GQ, this is because dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin – hormones responsible for pleasure, happiness, and bonding – are released when you’re with loved ones. Their sudden absence and replacement with stress hormones activate the sympathetic nervous system – better known as the “fight or flight” response. The changes in your brain mechanics cause emotional and physical reactions. That explains the loss of appetite or sleep, grief, concentration issues, and even the suppressed immune system one can experience.
Additionally, Bruneau shared the “heartbreak” associated with a separation is no exaggeration. “There’s also activation of the parts of the brain linked to physical pain: the insular cortex and the anterior cingulate. So that pain you feel in your heart is very real,” Bruneau said.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer as to when you should “feel better” after a breakup. Your own emotional capacity, the strength of the previous bond, and even proximity to the person can all affect your recovery time. However, having a strategy while healing will help you ensure it is lasting.
To start, you should not use your influence or affluence to be petty or retaliate – even if they deserve it. Keeping your integrity means keeping your power. Plus, you can enjoy any justice served more when you know you’re innocent.
Secondly, do not isolate. It’s natural to desire alone time after a breakup. Too much stimulation can result in coping instead of healing. However, there is wisdom and comfort in a multitude of counsel. Let your loved ones lift you up during this time.
At the top of the things you should do is allow time to grieve. Remember, your brain and body are responding to sudden withdrawal. Go easy on yourself. However long it takes for you to feel better is the right amount of time.
While you’re grieving, it’s important to set thought boundaries. Your mental health plays a huge role in everyday experiences, so make a note of where you will not allow your mind to go. For example, no self-loathing. No ruminating over the situation for more than “X” amount of minutes. No entertaining the belief that your life will not turn out well without them. Thought boundaries help you to be self-aware, retain your identity, and prevent manipulation. Most importantly, they help maintain your peace and promote self-trust.
Next up is to create a dopamine list. Dopamine is the happy hormone connected to movement, memory, motivation, and mood. List the people, places, and things that spark joy and engage them regularly. Having multiple sources of dopamine can help you be well-rounded and block the opportunity for codependency to develop.
Lastly, develop a vision for future friendships. What do you want to experience more of? What will you no longer accept? How can you be a better friend? Creating clear expectations for future friendships allows you to attract the right people. It is also a sign of healing and recovery.
The post How to Recover from a Friendship Breakup appeared first on Elev8.
How to Recover from a Friendship Breakup was originally published on elev8.com
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