Pete Davidson Says His ‘Career Would Be Over’ If He Acted Like Ariana Grande

Pete Davidson believes a double standard is at play when it comes to how he and Arianna Grande are publicly perceived after their whirlwind 2018 summer romance ended as tragically as accidentally getting the word “‘BBQ grill’” tattooed on one’s hand  … or yelling at college students for using their phones.

And nothing is more emblematic of that than a few jokes Davidson makes about his famous ex-fiancée in his new Netflix comedy special, “Alive From New York.”

In his stand-up routine, Davidson references a cover story on Grande in Vogue’s July 2019 issue, in which the pop star opened up about her intense relationship with Davidson that consisted of dating, getting engaged and breaking up within the span of about five months.

“I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction,” Grande told the magazine. “It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him.”

The “7 Rings” singer posed for the issue’s cover sporting a deep and controversial tan.

“Can you imagine if I did that?” Davidson said in his special, via Vulture. “My career would be over tomorrow. If I spray-painted myself brown and hopped on the cover of Vogue magazine and just started shitting on my ex.”

And although Ted Danson and Fred Armisen still have careers despite giving themselves spray tans, Davidson wasn’t quite done slamming his ex. He zeroed in on Grande describing their romance as a “distraction.”

“Can you imagine if I did that shit? If I was just like, ‘Yeah, I was just fucking her ‘cause I was bored, and then Fortnite came out.’ It would be insane,” Davidson jabbed.

The “Saturday Night Live” player then gets to his point. 

“You’re like, ‘Pete, something had to happen to her, right? There had to be some repercussions.’ No, she won Billboard’s Woman of the Year and I got called ‘butthole eyes’ by BarstoolSports.com”

Davidson didn’t stop there. He also inferred that all of Grande’s fans are angry, cancel-happy 9-year-olds and how he can’t order drinks at Starbucks anymore because a cup size is called “grande.”

After talking about how all his friends thought Grande’s breakup anthem “Thank U, Next” (which mentions her split with Davidson) was catchy, the comedian decides to point out what he considers another double standard at work.

“I don’t like that she talked all this shit on, like, behalf of my dick,” he said. I thought that was super weird,” Pete said. “Can you imagine if I said that shit? Can you imagine if I was like, ‘Sorry, it didn’t work out. Nice pussy, though!’?”